By Eli
(Note from Dad: The accuracy of this post is under review by experts)
The day started like any other. I was cozy in my sleeping bag too only hear the sweet sound of…WWII torture? That definitely wasn’t in the script. My dad awakened me with Dan Carlin’s HARDCORE history and the topic of Pacific Theater. After getting mortified we left Black Canyon Of The Gunnison to go to Dead Horse Point State Park in Utah. Wait, why is named that? The actual name comes from when settlers would run horses to edge of a cliff and then tame them. Or the horses jumped off and, and let’s just say the horses never got skydiving lessons; cue PETA. Anyway, we set up camp at Dead Horse Point State Park.
After that we decided to go to nearby Arches National Park for a sunset hike to Delicate Arch. There were SO many people there that we almost had enough to become a legal third political party. After the sun went down, we selected our candidates to run for president on behalf of the Archractins. (My vote was on the guy with hot rod and Hawaiian T-shirt). When the sun set we started to head back to the trail head with the Archractins, flashlights, and phone lights in hand. We had a heated discussion about who would win in a battle; Godzilla or Megatron from Transformers? Let me know in the comments who would win? Team ‘Zilla! We got back to our campsite to find the stars glimmering and wait what’s that? Where the star go? Dad what’s happening? Oh its going supernova, what’s that mean? WAIT WHAT THE STAR EXPLODED? GET TO COVER! *Slow mo dive into the camper open door and turn around to find my dad still sitting there* *In slow motion* *I reach out my hand gesturing to grab on to my hand but the giant explosion knocks me back* NOOOO!
After the radiation settled after 400 million years I used my Jedi-like powers and using the force to raise my dad from the dead and we went to Canyon Lands National Park. We waited in line about 60 million years and drove onto the Shafer trail which is a steep 4×4 trail. We started on the trail and saw a Jeep Trail Cat which is a really cool tricked out jeep with about 700 horsepower. I could go on and on about this jeep because it’s so cool and I just love it but I got to continue with the story, but you should look it up. Down the Shafer trail it was cliffs on either side and switch backs for miles. SLIP the truck hurtles to the canyon floor, but unlike the horses I HAD taken skydive lessons! I pull my dad out jump out of the car jump out of the car, and pull the parachute! *I turn my back on the car and there’s an epic explosion in the background and epic 80’s 90’s special agent soundtrack starts playing* No, sadly this never happened. What actually happened is that I saw the cliff and clung and slumped into my seat and started repenting and praying to God saying “Please let me survive the Shafer trail!” After having about 12 inner anxiety/heart attacks we got to the bottom of the canyon and had a great time 4 wheeling the Shafer trail only to realize snails were going faster than we were. By the time we would get to our destination, our graves would waiting there for us. So we decided to go on the Potash Road. It is called that because its next to a potash field and potash fields are fields salt that supply the demand of concrete- *someone in the crowd* “shut up NERD!” Anyway we followed the trail all the way into Moab.
Moab is a special little desert town but growing quickly because it is close to Dead Horse Point State Park, Canyonlands National Park, and Arches National Park. There we went into town and stopped at a frozen yogurt place which was a new experience for me. My Dad told me to fill up a cup with dairy free frozen yogurt which is a mistake, to put it lightly. After filling the cup so much and making so tall, I broke the frozen yogurt shop roof and took down a commercial airplane. After yogurt, we set off back toward Canyonlands to do a sunset hike to Aztec Butte, where we had a heated discussion about deer, headlights, the first jet planes, French resistance, bunny rabbits and 100’s of dollars, and snipers. Don’t ask. Then we went back to trailer, ate popcorn, looked at the stars and went to bed. That concludes our time in the area of Dead Horse Point State Park, thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
