Author: Matt Oliver

HELLO EVERYONE and welcome back to the show. I can’t believe after giving my National Park opinions on this show, none of the park employees have sent a hitman or poisoned my food or something. But that aside, we have a write up tonight that takes you from criticizing campsites to Mafia marmots. Without a further ado, I give you the:

Granite Park Chalet

We packed up and said goodbye to our boring roadside campsite outside Glacier National Park where there were moldy cigarettes in the fire ring. Next, we parked the trailer in the Apgar Visitor Center parking lot and were picked by a white shuttle van. I wasn’t sure if my parents scored these reservations from some sketchy backdoor, black market way, so I sat firmly next to the emergency exit door while in the van. As we drove up the Going to the Sun Road, I realized I was being taken to a secondary location. After about an hour, we arrived at the Loop trailhead, and we were thrown out of the van. It’s fine, they only took one person in the van as a hostage. Hey, they didn’t take any of OUR family members, so the van gets five stars. All the other trails that lead to the Granite Chalet were closed due to late snow. In fact, at the time of our arrival the Going to the Sun Road was still closed to the public. After gathering our packs, we started hiking up the trail. I had to use some strategies to get my parents up the mountain since the hike was steep and about 4.4 miles. The strategies included, “I’ll give you back massages at the top” and “I’ll make you dinner once we arrive”. As we hiked up the mountain, we saw breathtaking views…even more beautiful than a picture you might see on a desktop screensaver. As we hiked on, we saw a dark mean cloud that looked way meaner than a group of high school girls. As this cloud advanced on us, it started pouring rain. Rain and little bits of hail beat us down, as we pushed on towards the chalet. After hiking through rain and packed snow, we reached the chalet. As I entered the building, I almost started to cry. There was a fire, decks of cards, books, and strangers sharing stories over cups of warm coffee and hot chocolate. I was so happy to have warmth, blankets, a guitar, most importantly food (I was really, really hungry). Compared to the harsh conditions outside, it felt like a haven with the friendliest strangers known to man. The view right outside of the chalet was so incredible I kept doing a double take. Soon the rain stopped and we saw double rainbow across the sky at sunset. I gambled pebbles away in a game of poker with some girls, and then our family ate a wonderful dinner my mom made in the community kitchen. The night ended with us softly singing Under The Bridge by the Red-Hot Chili Peppers around the indoor wood burning fireplace. As we walked back to our cabin the clouds parted and revealed the moon between the mountains. Soon, we climbed into our bunkbeds and said goodnight as we looked out the window at the mountains.

The next morning I woke up slowly, fell out of bed and put some clothes on. I ran to the main chalet, chugged a bowl of warm porridge, and got ready to hike up to the Swiftcurrent Lookout. This hike was 2.2 miles with an elevation gain of approximately 1800 feet and included hiking in snow. Dad and I sprinted up the mountain because we had shuttle to catch by 2pm and if we didn’t make it, we would have a 6 MILE EXTENSION to our hike which would then TOTAL 14 miles.  So, hence all the sprinting. As we approached the lookout the wind was roaring. It was so windy that if I let go of my hat, it would probably have landed somewhere over South Africa. When we got to the lookout, the view was incredible. We could see down into the Swiftcurrent Valley on one side and West Glacier on the other. The view was great but I soon noticed a marmot named Pierre. I sat down and he started to talk with me. He said, “Hey, in exchange for some food and a little cash, I can get you the loan of lifetime, start a business… get your life started.” I said, “Keep talking.” He said that he could get me loan for almost no interest, and I responded, “That sounds fishy.” Just then two other marmots came up behind him and asked me if there was a problem. The scene suddenly became a black and white detective film that included marmots and it was apparent I was here to bust a criminal. I whipped out my pistol and said to the two bodyguard marmots, “I must catch your filthy, tick filled, loan shark, Mafia Boss Marmot. So, let’s make this quick.” The two marmots lunged at me and I uppercut one and roundhouse kicked the other. By this point, Pierre was shaking in his boots with only his skinny squirrel assistant trembling beside him with a thick Italian accent, “Whatttta we gonna do boss? We’re FINISHED!” I grabbed Pierre, bolted down the mountain with my jacket rippling in the wind and a group of marmots chasing me screaming, “IT’S OVER DETECTIVE EXPLODING BEAVER, HAND OVER THE BOSS!” Soon, I was surrounded. Tiny Marmots waved their tiny broken beer bottles at me. “Oh yeah?” I asked the marmots. I threw down a smoke grenade and continued to run down the mountain with the Pierre in hand. “We’ll get you one day!” they yelled. As I looked back, I saw marmots rolling in every direction and I, Detective Exploding Beaver, successfully turned in the Loan shark, Mob boss, Marmot. A job well done.

My dad and I came down the mountain surfing on the snow. We hurried back to the chalet at breakneck speeds. We packed up, found Samantha and my mom, and the four of us sprinted down to the shuttle. We made it with only a handful of minutes to spare. As I was riding back in the shuttle, I thought about how privileged I was to have such an amazing experience at the Granite Park Chalet.

AHEM.

THE SCORES ARE IN,

AND THE GLACIER GRANITE PARK CHALET GETS….

DRUMROLE PLEASE….

 A 9.5/10 AND “A” FOR Awe-inspiring views (way better than a DESKTOP SCREENSAVER)

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN AN AMAZING AUDIENCE! THANKS FOR COMING OUT FOR THE SHOW TONIGHT!

I’ve always been curious about the Big Horn Mountains which are a spur of the Rocky Mountains in northwest Wyoming. The Big Horn Mountains are characterized by high alpine meadows and towering peaks. We drove in through Sheridan, Wyoming and made our way to the Dead Swede campground, named for…the dead Swede buried in the area. To get there, we drove several miles over partially packed gravel, but it was no problem. The elevation of the campground was approximately 8,400 feet. The high alpine meadows were filled with wildlife, and we saw five bull moose off the side of the road as we drove in. Our campsite was just a few feet from the south fork of the Tongue River which is a good trout fishery. Once we set up camp, Eli explored the granite boulder field and Korin found a moose resting in a nearby meadow, about 100 yards from our campsite. In the evening, Eli and I cast a few lures into the river and caught a few brook trout. As we settled down for an evening fire very friendly deer wandered into our site and it was clear they have been habituated to human presence. This made for an interesting evening.

The next morning we were greeted by a big cow moose in our campsite. There is nothing like having your morning coffee in the trailer while watching a moose. The morning was beautiful, so we decided to complete a hike up the Black Mountain Fire Lookout. We took a dirt road to a fire road, crossed a stream with the truck and set out on our hike up a 1 ½ mile path gaining 1500 feet. The hike was steep, and we were winded from the elevation, but it was rewarding at the end. At the top, we found a fire lookout station where rangers live during peak fire season. We had a clear view of the cloud peak wilderness with peaks as high as 13,000 feet but soon after we got to the summit, clouds rolled in, so we decided to head back down. That night was the strongest storm we’ve been in while camping. The wind was howling, we heard branches falling and the hail was intense. Our tailer was blowing around quite a bit. When we woke up there was quarter inch hail all over the ground, but it melted quickly as the sun came up over the mountain tops. Steam was coming off the trees as the dry air moved in and there were some very unhappy tent campers that decided they had enough of the big horns. The tongue river was swollen from the night storm and the fishing conditions dramatically improved. While catching trout along the bank I also got to see a river otter emerge from its den. That afternoon we did a hike along the south fork of the tongue river and Eli and I caught many brook trout as we walked through the forest. Rain was threating again so we decided to take a drive to shell falls on the western side of the Big Horns. The view of the falls was spectacular. The next morning we packed up and headed down route 14A which turned out to be one of the steepest roads I’ve ever driven. It was 10% grade for 10 miles! Korin and Eli enjoyed the views across the valley into Yellowstone while I focused on the road. I definitely want to go back to the Big Horns due to the abundance of wildlife, great fishing and beautiful views. By the time we left, we had lost track of how many moose we saw while we were there.

After touring the Biltmore, we said goodbye to my parents and Samantha. We headed west and made it all the way to my sister Kathleen and brother-in-law Steve’s house in Oak Grove, Missouri. We stayed overnight but headed out very early the next morning as Kathleen and Steve will be joining us in a few weeks. After another long day in the car, we arrived at Devils Tower National Monument. Bear Lodge is one of the many American Indian names for the tower. Colonel Richard Dodge named it Devils Tower in 1875 and in 1906 President Theodore Roosevelt made Devils Tower the first national monument. William Rodgers was the first known person to ascent the tower using a wooden ladder for the first 350 feet. Now, over 5,000 people climb the tower each year.

We had a great view of the tower from our campsite. After dinner, Matt and Eli watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind at the campground theater while I cleaned up and read for a bit. The next morning we got an early start and hiked around the tower following the Tower Trail. We stopped to watch three groups of climbers on the south and east side. It was a beautiful morning, and we were glad we beat the crowds visiting on 4^th of July. As we headed back to the campground, we stopped at a little prairie dog area as Eli loves prairie dogs.

All of us were glad we stopped at Devils Tower. It reminded me of a giant Devils Postpile, located near Mammoth, California. The area was beautiful, and the tower history and geology were very interesting.

When we started planning our trip in November, I told my parents we would be near Asheville, NC since Samantha was going to attend the Conference on National Affairs (CONA) at the Blue Ridge Assembly on Black Mountain. My mom noted that she was very interested in touring Biltmore. George Vanderbilt was the grandson of Cornelius Vanderbilt who made his fortune as a shipping entrepreneur. Biltmore was built as a country retreat for George Vanderbilt’s friends and family and looks like a French Renaissance chateau. The house took six years to build and was finished in 1895. The house has 35 bedrooms, 43 bathrooms and 65 fireplaces. Biltmore is now a National Historic Landmark.

When the house came into view, I felt like I was transported to some château in Europe. We stopped to take some pictures and then made our way down the long green in front of the house. The audio tour was interesting and informative. We made our way through the main level, second and third stories and finished in the basement. At one point in the tour, Samantha got teary eyed as she looked at some original Monet paintings while Eli simultaneously stated that he was walking around an old stinky house as slow as possible! After the house tour, we ate our packed lunches in an outdoor area in front of the stables. It felt very European, and we reminisced about the trip to Carcassonne, France we had taken with my parents ten years ago.  

Next up we walked through the beautiful gardens which included Italian, shrub, spring, walled, rose, and azalea gardens. Matt and Eli walked all the way to the bass pond while Samantha and I went through the conservatory and enjoyed the orchid room.

Overall, the house and gardens were quite impressive. We enjoyed learning about the Vanderbilts and spending time together.

                                                        Great Smoky Mountains National Park

                                                                                   By Eli

                                                                   Viewer discretion advised

MR. Elijah was recorded in front of live studio audience.

I’m just going to preface this by saying whoever picked for us to hike the Boogerman trail should be fired, out of cannon, into the sun. (Nothing against you mom, I might’ve talked to few local Mob bosses, but just don’t answer your door for a while). Oh no, where’s my script I knew it was here somewhere, ah forget it, who needs a script? Ok, so the Rocky Mountains! One of the greatest pla- what, you mean that’s the wrong one? Well, YOU’RE THE one holding the card. *Faint chatter* THEN TAKE IT UP WITH THE PRODUCERS! YOU DON’T GET PAID FIVE BUCKS A MONTH FOR NOTH’IN. GO!  GET ME SOME TEA AND DIET COKE! AND MAKE IT SNAPPY! Ugh, being the best director and main lead is tiresome. But at least it’s honest work. Sometimes I lay awake wondering why people got mad when I casted myself as the lead, who are they to tell me when I was clearly better than them? But who could blame them? I’m the best person in the world! And maybe the universe. Sometimes my awesomeness is just too much, and people start sprinting away. I couldn’t think other reason why. But enough about me, your glorious narrator. Ok is the camera rolling? Alright. Let’s talk about the Smoky Mountains and see if my film crew can GET IT RIGHT.

We entered the Great Smoky Mountains by way of a 6-mile dirt road with drop-offs nicknamed, “Death Road” by my Grandma. We arrived in the Cataloochee Valley, which is a less crowded part of the Smoky Mountains, and now I understand why. Cataloochee isn’t bad, but it doesn’t meet the criteria for a national park. Maybe state park. The entire time I felt like something was in the way of the true Smoky Mountains experience. After we set up at our campsite, we met two new characters in our story, Gary the inch worm and El Kira the Elk. El Kira greeted us by walking into our campsite right in front of all of us and started to pee as she blankly stared at us. I stared into her cold emotionless eyes with the only sound keeping me sane which was the silent whizz of liquid hitting the moist dirt. Gary was there too. Gary the inch worm made a great journey crossing for miles and miles from town to town in our Catan board game. The outside terrain was nothing to write home about, trees, trees, and more trees on mountains. Although, there was a river but we didn’t dare swim in it because we had no idea how many fishing lures had been lost in it. The atmosphere was cool, extremely smoky and you could hardly see the sky at any point of the day. Also, if you didn’t like the weather, you just needed to wait ten minutes and it would change. Fishing was non-existent as it was highly technical fishing along the river. But now the time you have all been waiting for, the big mambo jambo, THE THRILL SEEKING, BLOOD BOILING ADVENTURE! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I PRESENT TO YOU, THE BOOGERMAN TRAIL HIKE!

The Boogerman Trail; I had high hopes. I had a relaxing rest, a cup of coffee, and was ready for the adventure ahead. Within twenty minutes of beginning the hike, I was miserable. There were cobwebs everywhere, dead bugs and spiders were falling into my hair, and every flying insect in the vicinity wrote their will and testament and signed up for a one-way kamikaze trip into my eyes and ears. So, things were just going lovely. I trekked upward on the mountain thinking optimistically, “The more miserable a hike is, the better payoff with the view.” Turns out, I could’ve walked around the campground for five hours and gotten a better view. The sad thing is, that isn’t an exaggeration. So, after three hours of dragging ourselves to the top an uncomfortable nightmare, we looked down to see 7 DIFFERENT ROARING RIVERS WE NEEDED TO CROSS. Plus, we couldn’t walk through the river crossings with our regular shoes, we had to take them off and put on sandals! We stepped into the first crossing and realized it was colder than that one SUBSTITUTE TEACHER’S HEART! We also realized the rocks were slicker than ICE, COMBINED with a roaring river pulling us down. I PRACTICALLY TWISTED MY ANKLE AND FELL EVERYTIME I CROSSED. AFTER EACH CROSSING, WE HAD TO WIPE OFF OUR FEET FROM THE FRIGID WATER, PUT OUR WET/MOIST SOCKS BACK ON, UNTIE OUR SHOES AND THEN PUT THEM BACK ON….REPEAT THIS 7 TIMES…. Actually, IT ENDED UP BEING MORE THAN 7 BECAUSE AFTER WE WERE DONE, THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BRIDGES TO CROSS THE RIVERS. BUT NO! HALF THE BRIDGES WERE BROKEN IN TWO, LIKE TOOTHPICKS. AFTER THE FINAL BRIDGE AND TRECKKING THROUGH THE WATER I WAS DRYING MY FEET AND A DEADLY CENTIPIEDE CRAWLED ONTO ME. I HAD TO STAND COMPLETELY STILL AND TRY NOT TO BREATH AS IT SLITHERED UP AND DOWN ME WITH ITS HUNDREDS OF LEGS. I PRAYED IT WOULDN’T BITE ME. AS I WAS HOBBLING BACK, TEETH CLENCHED, ANKLES BROKEN, SALIVA DRIPPING FROM MY MOUTH, WITH THREE MILES TO GO, A RANGER PASSED US AND TOLD ME US WE WERE CLOSE THE END OF THE HIKE. HE SAID IF WE DIDN’T MAKE IT, WE WERE SCREWED. WE’D HAVE TO HIKE BACK THROUGH THE RIVERS AND GO UP THE MOUTAIN AND WALK ALL 9 MILES AGAIN, TOTALING 18 MILES. SO, THROUGH SWEAT, BUGS, AND HOT TEARS WE PRACTICALLY STARTED SPRINTING TOWARDS THE EXIT. THEN IT STARTED TO RAIN AND THE MOSQUITOS CAME OUT AND STARTED TO SUCK THE LIVING LIFE OUT OF US. WE FINALLY DOVE FOR THE EXIT AS THE RANGER WAS CLOSING IT.

What Bull.

*Some parts of this text were exaggerated or were downright fake for comedic effect.

I would like to refrain from reviewing Great Smoky Mountains National Park because I have only seen a fraction of the area, but I will give it a score. *AHEM* THE FINAL SCORE FOR CATTOLOCHEE IS 3.9/10 AND A “D” RANKING. Why this score? I gave 2 points for Gary and El Kira, another 1.2 for wildlife (which were only Elk), .2 for atmosphere (because it was boring and pretty much the same as the entire east coast) and .5 for semi clean bathrooms. All other fields for review get zeros. Cataloochee gets a “D” for Do better. By the way, my parents and grandparents enjoyed their time in the Great Smoky Mountains. Well this has been fantastic! Thank you for everyone for reading, you’ve been wonderful!

#47nationalparksasafamily

            Even though it is the closest national park to our home, this was our first visit to Shenandoah National Park. We’ve attempted to camp here on two other occasions but had to cancel our reservations due to bad weather. We arrived at the north end of the park in the afternoon and stopped at the Dickey Ridge Visitors Center. After learning a little bit about the park, we headed down to Mathew’s Arm Campground with my parents. The campground was pretty, and we enjoyed listening to the piliated woodpeckers as we played cards. That night, we had a nice steak dinner with rolls, potatoes, and a salad. Not bad for a camping dinner!

            The next morning our family headed to the Old Rag Trailhead. We know a few people who have completed this hike and highly recommended it. The reviews online noted that the hike is a “brutally awesome, very strenuous, 9.4 mile circuit hike, elevation climb of 2,582 feet and features an adventurous rock scramble and a 360-degree view that makes you feel on top of the world.” Who wouldn’t want to hike the Old Rag after reading that? Matt and I knew that we hadn’t trained enough prior to this summer, since in February, we moved into the town of Lewes and took full advantage of the amenities including cookies, ice cream and fancy drinks. After about one mile into the hike, we were tired and we were paying for our cookie walks. Our bodies were chanting, “You’ve walked a mile, where’s the ice cream and cookies?” The kids were way ahead of us, and we kept hiking…plodding. After about 2 hours of uphill hiking, we arrived at the boulder scramble. This part of the hike was full body and seriously challenging. Samantha and I were at a significant disadvantage due to our short stature (or lack thereof) and we weren’t sure Matt would fit through the crevices. The bouldering required strength, problem solving, and for me, the occasional butt boost. Eli was our trailblazer and did a great job leading us. Once we reached the summit, we were exhausted, and the view was completely fogged in! On our way down, the fog cleared and we were able to capture a few pictures of the vistas.

            Back at the campsite, we showered, ate dinner and a sat around the fire with my parents. Matt says he’d like to do the hike again sometime in the fall. I told him I’d think about going back with him, but I will have to lay off the cookie walks.

            Overall, we had a nice stay in Shenandoah and we plan to visit again during a fall season. Having my parents with us made this stop extra special for all of us!

#46nationalparksasafamily

Blog post by: Korin

After another amazing summer road trip, we are back in our home state of Delaware. The end of this trip is bittersweet and I’m pretty emotional as I write the last summer 2021 blog post. Each summer we feel blessed that we can travel together. This summer was extra special as we saw our parents, grandparents, sisters, brother in laws, one niece and two nephews. We  were also able to see my Aunt Judy and Uncle Joe as well as the Buss’, Rudys, Meghan C., Haulsees, Chus, Petersons and the LeMieuxs.

 Matt drove 9,898 miles which included 19 states. We visited 4 state parks, 3 national monuments, and 15 national parks. As a family, we have now visited 45 of the 63 national parks (only 6 go in the lower 48 states). Let us know what your favorite places are and maybe we will visit them next summer!